You Don't Feel the Weight
by Naite-Laef
Summary: Goten experiences his first heartbreak. He knew it would have to happen one day, but he never thought it'd be a result of his brother's impending divorce.


He sat with his back turned to me.

"I tried so hard, for so long," he said, choking on his own words. "And I just can't do it anymore."

At a loss for words, I didn't say anything.

I had barely 20 years of life experience. I didn't know what it felt like, to be in love, and I certainly didn't know the ache of a broken heart. All I knew was the stillness of the air, the terse way Gohan's energy trembled, and how the hairs on my forearms stood on end. His emotional turmoil was all too easy to sense, but I didn't know how to stop it. As one of the most powerful beings in the universe, I sat beside my brother, and I did _nothing, _because for once in my life, I felt truly powerless. I kept still, afraid that my brother would scurry away like a roach at any sudden movement.

He _had_ to know that I heard every spiteful word between him and Videl- every sharp accusation, every painful confession, and every tearful plea. He _knows_ how good Saiyan hearing is. And I had sat frozen in their guest room, trying hard to keep the tears out of my own eyes. Through the sound of blood rushing past my ears, I had listened to my brother's marriage fall apart through just three inches of drywall. And now he sat next to me, fully aware that I didn't do a damned thing about it. That I _couldn't-_ because Videl was my sibling, too.

"I used to think marriage was odd," Gohan suddenly spoke, shaking me from my thoughts. "I always thought if people were just gonna be together, that they would be together."

He sniffed once, and when he spoke again, he sounded distant. "I thought… I thought that with everything Mom and Dad had been through, marriage didn't mean as much. Their relationship outlasted their vows, through death and beyond… Dad had been dead for so long, and I could tell Mom still loved him. And I knew that even up in Otherworld, he still loved her. I could just _feel_ it." I tried to ignore the way his voice broke so desperately on those last few words. From the corner of my eye, I saw him shrug, muscles rippling beneath the skin of his bare back. "It made me think that marriage was just a piece of paper. That it didn't mean anything," he said, his voice winding down into a whisper. "So... I never wanted to get married."

Shocked by the revelation, I couldn't help but finally speak up. "What changed your mind?"

"I didn't," Gohan breathed. "I never changed my mind."

I closed my eyes, pained by the memory of Videl's eyes shining with tears on their wedding day. She had been so happy.

_They_ had been so happy.

Then: "I shouldn't have married her."

_"Please don't leave me," he had begged, voice slightly muffled through the wall. "Please, Videl, I didn't mean it." Footsteps, then shuffling. He was likely on the move, trying to block the doorway so she couldn't leave. "Please, please, baby, I love you-"_

_"Don't," she growled in warning. The sounds of movement stopped, and I could tell she had fixed him in place with a dangerous glare. "You don't get to say that. Just…" Videl's voice broke as she choked back a sob. "Gohan. Just... _don't_."_

He had pushed her away, out of fear. And by the time he had realised his mistake, it was already too late. In the end, my brother had loved her enough to let her walk away from him, even if it meant letting a part of himself go with her.

I uncrossed my legs and scooted to the edge of the bed so my feet could touch the floor. Gohan sat perpendicular to me on the large wooden chest tucked at the foot of my bed. We were just a few inches from each other now, but I didn't try to look at him, and he didn't try to look at me.

I was afraid to see him cry, and I think some part of him knew that.

Because of our age difference, my oldest memories of Gohan featured him as a late teenager. As a kid, I only knew my brother's smooth, baritone voice. I had never seen him stand at less than six feet tall. I knew only one version of him- the legend who had saved the world from Cell. Even at home, he was the hero who healed my every bump and bruise with a bandage and a smile. I loved him deeply and unconditionally, and I went to bed every single night with his love for me settling deep in my chest. I looked to Gohan for guidance in every single part of my life. He had taught me what it meant to be a man. He had taught me what it meant to be _strong, _in every sense of the word.

And then Videl had come along, and I only felt stronger, and safer, and even _more loved._

A whimper escaped him, and though he tried to stifle it, I couldn't unhear it. My big brother had always been the one to comfort me when I cried. What was I supposed to do now that the roles were reversed? My brother was smart, so, so _smart, _and he would know exactly what to say. I wanted to tear my hair out, because I wanted to be just like him, but I wasn't. I didn't know what to say.

Gohan spoke only in random, halting sentences. He stared at the dark blue walls of the room- the room Videl had so lovingly suggested they reserve for me upon buying their first house. I had spent many nights in this house, most of which included my new, big sister.

_A small shadow fell in my doorway as Videl hesitated. _

_"Bye, Goten," she said, in a weak voice. _

_"Bye, Videl," I choked out, wondering if I would ever see her again. _

_A moment passed before I heard the click of her shoes through the house. And then the backdoor creaked open once before promptly closing behind her._

_It had taken two minutes. Two long, painful minutes before my brother had gathered up the courage to approach my guest room. _

Gohan's voice darkened as he continued to mumble.

"I'm sorry, Goten," he said, leaning to rest his forearms on his thighs. It was late at night, and we were both clad only in our boxers. But I felt more than half-naked- more than just a little exposed. Their honest words had left me raw and open, and I didn't know how to cover myself up. I'd never had to hold anything in. Gohan had always been there for me, and Videl had always been there for Gohan. But now she wasn't, and he needed _me,_ but I didn't know how to-

_"Bye, Goten," Videl murmured from the doorway, her red eyes not quite meeting my own. _

"I'm scared," he mumbled. "I'm so scared, Goten."

My heart clenched when he finally turned to look at me, and I couldn't be brave anymore. The tears slipped from my eyes.

"I think it's okay to be scared," I said, but I couldn't say where the words had come from.

He nodded once, biting his lower lip to keep it from trembling.

Despite hearing everything, I didn't fully understand what their fight had been about- and frankly, I didn't want to. It had ended as quickly as it had begun, and I didn't even know if that in itself was a good thing or a bad thing.

"I'm scared, too."

He looked at me once more, startled by my admission. His wide, black eyes softened, and he pulled me towards him. I accepted the rough embrace without protest.

"Do you want me to stay, or do you want to be alone?" I asked, wondering if my weekend trip should be cut short. Did he need space? Did he need company? I just… I didn't know, and I felt stupid for asking, but I needed to _try._

"I don't know," he said. Then I felt his grip across my back and shoulders tighten as he changed his answer. "I'm afraid to be alone."

I leaned into his hug. Even though we were nearly the same height now, he had pulled me to his chest, likely by habit. So, I relaxed into his warm hold, turning so that I could hear his rapid heartbeat against my cheek.

"You're not alone," I said, my voice hardening as some sort of courage surged through me. "You're not alone, Gohan."

"I love you, Goten," he said, and I could hear the smallest lift in his voice.

I allowed myself a wet smile, absurdly proud that I had made him feel better. "I know," I said without thinking.

And then he barked in laughter, and I don't think I'd ever heard a more welcome sound.


End file.
